Hollywood Translator

Hollywood Translator
by Sue Basko
To help you understand what is going on, it helps to use this handy Hollywood Translator:
When they say this... >>>>>> It means this.
Let me get back to you on that. >>>>>> Please stop calling me.
I'm searching for a role for you. >>>>>>> Who are you again?
You would be best in a serious role. >>>>>> You seem old.
It's interesting. >>>>>>>>>>>> It's too weird to be marketable.
It's a challenging role. >>>>>>> The part calls for you to be ugly and/or mean.
Sure, you can send me your demo. >>>> I need a new drink coaster.
We want you to be part of our team. >>> We can't afford to pay you.
We'll give you a piece of the picture. >>> Or a piece of gum, which is worth more.
We'd love to work with you. >>>>> And we charge for all our services.
Call us when you get a record label. >>>> Goodbye and good luck.
Your script needs a few changes. >>>>>> I am stealing your story idea.
I am looking for a new bassist. >>>>>>> He is screwing my girlfriend.
I'm a little hesitant. >>>>>>> I love it and am afraid you will raise your price.
We're concerned about health. >>>>> You seem like an alcoholic, drug addict, or nut.
Our project is going great! >>>>> We're broke and about to be evicted.
We offer challenging internships. >>>>> Slavery-- anyone?
It's like "The Office." >>>>> >> Well, we wish it was like "The Office."
Our act is like "Cirque du Soleil." >>>> We use purple lights and fog machines.
She's like a new Britney/ Lindsey. >>>>> Her mom is foxy.
I still need to convince a few people. >>>>>> Give me money for pay-offs.
Are you ready for the role of a lifetime? >> Will you play the part of a pedophile priest?
We'll send these songs to Chris to mix. >>> He might be able to salvage this mess.