Hollywood Translator

Hollywood Translator
by Sue Basko, esq.

To help you understand what is going on, it helps to use this handy Hollywood Translator:

When they say this...  ===>  It means this.

Let me get back to you on that. --->   Please stop calling me.

I'm searching for a role for you. --->  Who are you again?

You would be best in a serious role. ---> You seem old.

It's interesting.  ---> It's too weird to be marketable.

It's a challenging role. --->  The part calls for you to be ugly and/or mean.

Sure, you can send me your demo.---> I need a new drink coaster.

We want you to be part of our team.  ---> We can't afford to pay you.

We'll give you a piece of the picture.  ---> Or a piece of gum, which is worth more.

We'd love to work with you. --->  And we charge for all our services.

 Your script needs a few changes. ---> I am stealing your story idea.

 I'm a little hesitant.  ---> I love it and am afraid you will raise your price.

We're concerned about health. ---> You seem like an alcoholic, drug addict, or nut.

Our project is going great! ---> We're broke and about to be evicted.

We offer challenging internships. ---> Slavery-- anyone?

It's like "The Office."---> Well, we wish it was like "The Office."

Our act is like "Cirque du Soleil."--->   We use purple lights and fog machines.

Are you ready for the role of a lifetime?--->  Will you play the part of a pedophile priest?

We'll send these songs to Chris to mix. --->  He might be able to salvage this mess.