by Sue Basko, esq.
To help you understand what is going on, it helps to use this handy Hollywood Translator:
When they say this... ===> It means this.
Let me get back to you on that. ---> Please stop calling me.
I'm searching for a role for you. ---> Who are you again?
You would be best in a serious role. ---> You seem old.
It's interesting. ---> It's too weird to be marketable.
It's a challenging role. ---> The part calls for you to be ugly and/or mean.
Sure, you can send me your demo.---> I need a new drink coaster.
We want you to be part of our team. ---> We can't afford to pay you.
We'll give you a piece of the picture. ---> Or a piece of gum, which is worth more.
We'd love to work with you. ---> And we charge for all our services.
Your script needs a few changes. ---> I am stealing your story idea.
I'm a little hesitant. ---> I love it and am afraid you will raise your price.
We're concerned about health. ---> You seem like an alcoholic, drug addict, or nut.
Our project is going great! ---> We're broke and about to be evicted.
We offer challenging internships. ---> Slavery-- anyone?
It's like "The Office."---> Well, we wish it was like "The Office."
Our act is like "Cirque du Soleil."---> We use purple lights and fog machines.
Are you ready for the role of a lifetime?---> Will you play the part of a pedophile priest?
We'll send these songs to Chris to mix. ---> He might be able to salvage this mess.